You may have noticed the increase of people named Noah in ninth grade. Or, chances are, you didn’t. The Noah Dynasty is a club, in which members of the dynasty are called Noah, or pretend to be called Noah. It was started by three freshman Noahs whose birthright name is actually Noah. It is a rapidly expanding club, very popular amongst fun-loving freshmen. This club is founded upon the love- or, more correctly, obsession- with the name Noah. There are currently 48 student Noahs and one teacher, according to the Dynasty’s last census.
Another founding principle is the desire to bring joy to a drawing. Specifically, a drawing of a cow named Chester. According to Noah Lemke, founding Noah, another reason to join the Dynasty is to “make Chester’s dreams come true.”
Now, as light-hearted as this may sound, the Noahs have some very strict laws that must be followed. A few of the rules include:
Members must know the difference between Chester the cow and Hester the horse.
No staring! (Stalking, however, is permitted.)
The longest word in the world is strictly forbidden.
No puking in your shoes. (You, may, however puke on your shoes).
Any member who puts himself on fire must be put out
No sleeping in your backpack
No sneezing on markers
No slapping doors
No criss-cross skateboarding
Consequences for failing to follow these rules may result in members being their original name.
Unsurprisingly, questions have come up regarding the Noah Dynasty. One concerned student wondered if there was a plot to make Chester the new school mascot. The Dynasty confirmed that there is no plot yet, but would be delighted if the John Marshall Rockets became the John Marshall Cows. Some have noted the similarities between Noah and NOAA (The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), which is a space and weather program. Because of NOAA’s association with space, some have become concerned that we have aliens amongst us. Fortunately The Dynasty has informed us that this is nonsense and no aliens have been confirmed.
Overall, this is a fun and mostly mindless club to join. If you have any questions please talk to Noah Lemke. (Please note that talking to Chester is not an option if you want an answer).